Sunday, October 15, 2006


No I didn't quit my job. I thought about it. But heres the cincher.

I'm really not qualified to do anything *BUT* practice law.

I mean, that was the point of me going to law school right?

Who goes to law school thinking they will experience "broader options"? Give me a fuckin' break. You go to medical school to become some type of doctor. You go to vet school to become a vet. You go to dental school to become a dentist. Naturally, it makes sense that if you go to law school - you want to be a lawyer...yeeeess?

So I'm back to square one. I don't see myself doing anything else? And don't tell me I can make better money and earn better benefits by being a garbagemen. That type of thinking is just pure utter nonesense and even some of Law is 4 Losers posts are downright ridiculous and foolish.

But to each his own. I continue my path and hope that one day I can settle into a cushy in house position. The billable hour model is just something I have to get used to. Maybe I'm settling. Fact is, the way I'm going - I'll be within 6 figures in a few years anyway. So might as well stick around for it.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Still Here

Apologies for the delay in posting but I got swamped with motions and reports that things simply got overwhelming. Such is the life of a slave ID attorney. The sad part is, when I'm not physically at work, I find myself sitting at home *thinking* about work.

All. The. Damn.Time.

This is just no way to live.

I am not going to beat around the bush. I've decided *drum roll* please.

I'm quitting my job.

I've been thinking of it seriously for quite some time now. I'm scouring the classifieds every day, sending cold resumes and well - we will see what happens. I don't think I will leave law altogether, but something has to be better than this.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

More Great Words of Wisdom from the JdJive Board

I really can't say it any better than "law is 4 losers" stated below..

"Lawyers utter, total lack of business training and basic common sense also becomes pretty evident once you get out practicing. Today my firm sent me on a mission to the Bronx for the sole purpose of buying an indx number and filing request for PC's, and checking on whether a judgement was ready. All tasks that could easily be assigned to a seceratary, paralegal, or high-school kid. Yet that is state of toilet law- tons of time is spent on tasks a monkey could do. It is sadly no different at big firms. Sullivan Cromwell screwed up when I was there and didn't have the right boxes of paper that needed pushing, so instead they paid licensed JD's, albeit from toilet schools, $32 an hour to "code"- which is just gluing labels on documents! About the equivilant of envelope licking! It's fine with me, I love doing mindless monkey work- it is better than pushing paper. As an aside, the entire NYC Court system is completly dysfunctional and in dire need of massive reform and overhaul. As I've mentioned before, merely filing papers requires 4 trips to 4 different rooms, all on seperate floors. You should see how many stamps these idiots have on their desks- it is like something from a post office circa 1885! The court system's main goal is to waste time and make lawyers lives as miserable and unpleasant as possible. I can say that I truly, utterly HATE the practice of law, have no respect for the process, the clients, the law itself, or any of the people involved in it. It really is a worthless occupation, obessed to the point of mania with nit-picking procedural garbage- the procedure has literally gotten so out of control with techncalities that it has consumed the profession itself. I love the people who think it is impossible to have a "civilized" soceity without lawyers! I'm sure we'd resort to cave dwelling and duels without such vital legal concepts as the Rule in Shelley's Case and UCC 2-207 and all the other pointless, time-wasting mind-numbing garbage that these insecure nerds try to treat as a genuine intellectual activity. Total BS, that's all "law" is.

Look at Supreme Court decisions in regards to the Commerce Clause- these idiots caved in that thuggish, left-wing socialist cripple FDR when he threatned to strip them of their "power." That entire clause of the Constitution may as well be covered with White-Out, these clowns have streched the meaning so far past the point of reason and basic common sense it is absurd. A mentally retarded 4th grader could do a better job interpeting the Constitution than the paper-pushing tools we have in charge now. People who study Con Law are the biggest kool-aid drinkers in the entire sorry-assed law school process. Where I see nothing but terrible, verbose, excruciatingly boring, ungrammatical, tedious rambling in these "opinions" the kool-aid drinkers see deep, profound meaning.

They are like those ultra-serious stoners in college who were convinced Pink Flyod set "Dark Side of The Moon" as a soundrack to the Wizard of Oz. Where I see nothing in these "holdings" but a bare exercise of ad-hoc, peronsal political beliefs, these idiots see some grand design to honor our heritage, etc. When do we finally admit that these so-called "justices" are nothing more than used-car salesman like the rest of this sorry ass country.

>>>>But the hostility that you have towards lawyers, the court system, and the law in general (not to mention FDR), is almost frightening. Why on earth are you still a lawyer? _______________________________________________________________________ Maybe because all I deal with is abuse, degradation, turmoil, and misery. My "firm" specializes in sloppy, disorginized toilet work of the lowest caliber possible wthout incurring dissbarment.. I absorb day after day of abuse from those basstard clerks as our papers are usually deficent due to some nitpicking dumb-ass reason like an expired notary stamp, etc. As if the rubber stamp of an illterate 19 year old seceratary really makes any f'ing difference- "notary" is just a reason for the thristy, corrupt government to suck money out of people, nothing more. A worthless concept dreamed up by-you guessed it! - the world's most worthless field -LAW! We don't use American Clerical, my toilet makes lawyers do ALL the filing, so I get to enjoy this crap every day. Then if I get back and something wouldn't/couldn't get filed I get screamed at all over again by the partners. Fun, huh? Judges really hate my firm's guts, I am spread so thin with like 6-9 different court appearances a day that I just can't become an expert on the facts of every file as I race from courtroom to courtroom, and get screamed at for every procedural screw-up we've made along the way, which are usally plenty since the NY CPLR is only about 46,286 pages long! Our "clients" are all ignorant, shreiking sub-human trash who call 50 X a day asking where "doz millionz is at boss"when they have a f'ing bruised knee and a cervical sprain. Many of these lowlifes are career litigators who know more law than a freakin torts professor since they've been bilking the system for so long!They sit on the sofa all day collecting welfare and supplementing this "income" by tripping over their own feet in the supermarket where they redeem their food stamps. Of course we never want to fork over the authorizations for the 17 other prior injuries these dirtbags have incurred in their accident-prone lives, so the judges take out their disdain for this legal "strategy" on me. I just want to tell these jerk-offs how it is to make $16 an hour with no health insurance and owe 120 K to a worthless toilet school, and on top of that get stomped into the ground for the egrigious inexcusable f-ups of my "office." The partners are all overworked, bitter, and miserable people, conversing only in expletives and seething anger. Law has literally just ground the life out of them- I doubt they'll live past age 60. Our support staff are all untrained, lazy, and obnoxious, barely able to speak English and paid fast-food wages.Guess what else: with my lousy toilet credentials I will never be able to move on to any type of respectable place- it is toilet law or doc review- period. The kool-aid drinkers here should realize that right now. This field is more obsessed with "prestige" than those fashon-show fairies. Having a toilet school like Seton Hall on your resume is like wearing bib overalls to the ballet- everyone automatically assumes you are a dumb, half-witted moron. All employers have to go on is the resume, and toilet schools doom you to he trash can. That's the way the world works, sadly. FDR is hands down the worst president this country ever saw. He lit the fuse that LBJ's Great Society finsihed with a bang- BIG government handouts, unlimited welfare, the idea that government needs to "take care of" people, etc. Herbert Hoover said of the New Deal during the 1932 campaign "I believe that when we begin appropraitions of this sort, we have struck at the very root of self government." The New Deal did NOTHING to alleviate the Depression; in fact it made things far worse. Not until WWII did we truly emerge from the depths of the Depression, no thanks to that socialist cripple. My grandfather literally spat on the ground when his name was mentioned, he lived thru the Depression and said that many people really hated FDR- it is only because the history book authors are academic left-wing kooks who couldn't cut it in reality that we have this deity-like image of that drag-leg DemocRAT.

I am DESPERATLY trying to get out of law, I spend every day trolling the net for a new gig, I can't see myself doing this crap much longer. Fact is, I went to a substandard, grossly overpriced toilet school, did OK but not well enough to ever land a decent, respectable lawyer job outiside ID/PI, owe massive amounts of debt to said toilet school, and basically just want to put this mistake of an "education" behind me forever. THe bitterness & utter disappointment I feel is, from the looks of it, shared by many others. For Christ's sake, 55,000/yr. for seven years of education and passing TWO bar exams is downright suicide-inducing. When I tell frends outside law what I make they literally do not believe it! It is just hard to "get your arms around" how God-awful the salaries and "oppotunities" really are in this crapper field. I drink almost evey day and have been smoking like a fiend- my hope is that I'll just die in my sleep of a massive heart attack and then Sallie Mae can go screw themselves and sue my estate (which consists of the clothes on my back and an ipod, plus 7 K in credit card debt and a half a pack of Camel Lights) for the rest of their blood money.

Trying to pay off a private TTT toilet degree on the dumpster money in this field is like using a coffee can to bail out the Titanic- you might as well just surrender and get the drowning over with. The lifeboats are long gone, now.

I'm only 29 and my life is a smoking, ruined hulk, a train wreck, a pure unmitigated disaster. The sad thing is how many people are in this boat. Only in the quiet of the elevator in the Brox Courthouse or on those drunken nights after a few bumps do we all confess how truly, utterly sorry we are that we ever set foot in this God-forsaken field, at how crushing the debt truly is, about how different things could've been. Most lawyers I talk to who left the law tell me the best decision they ever made was leaving this low-paying paper-churning toilet of a job- most have never- NEVER- looked back. Going back into law would be like breaking back into prison, or rolling in a pile of goat manure after a long shower.


Friday, September 08, 2006

The Cold Hard Truth re: SALARIES

Had lunch with an old friend today. Topic of salaries came up. My friend opted not to go to law school. In fact, he made a smart decision. In college, the guy was a genuis. As a computer science major, he could help all of us out in a jiffy anytime we had a computer problem.

So after college, instead of taking the LSAT like myself and my delusional friends, he took an IT job that paid 45K/year. He's now interviewing for jobs in the IT sector and while I was busy sweating my balls off on stupid Torts hypothetical bullshit, he was out there making $$...

So his salary requirements for jobs he's interviewing for? $85-100K. Oh and he only works aroubd 45 hours a week. Not bad huh?

Yeah, heres a newsflash. Most ID firms would laugh at attorneys who asked for $85-100K out of law school. The dark brutal truth is that most of you are going to barely scrape by. Here is a nice little summary of what the salary is really like:

Assuming you are NOT a graduate of a top tier law school and:

(1) top 20% of your class,

(2) on Law Review/Journal/Moot Court, and/or

(3) has a connection to a decent job via a 2L/3L employment/clini experience or a friend,

Your actual salary will most likely be anywhere from $30,000/year to $60,000/year. Actually 60K is pushing it because most firms don't want to fork over that much for someone who doesn't know jack shit.

Now these numbers are based on someone who is:

1. between the age of 24 and 30 at the time of LS graduation

2. awaiting admission to the bar or recently admitted

3. has 1 year or less of work experience between college and law school (and in a useless area like "paralegal at Pillsbury Winthrop)

Going back briefly to the JDJIVE board, I encourage you all to read a thread called "TOILET Law Firms..." which is quite insightful.

And if you were wondering about salaries for government positions:

NY County District Attorney: $46,000-54,000/year
Brklyn County DA: $40-50,000/year
Queens County: $40-50K/year
Bronx County: $40-50K/year
Staten Island (Richmond): $38-45K/year
Nassau County: $40-50K/year

Nassau County Attorneys Office: $55-65,000/year
Westchester County Atty Office: $55-65K/year

NYC Department of Buildings (Investigation): $45K/year

So there you have it.

More reasons for not going to law school.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Andrews Kurth or is it Andrews & Kurth?

Its always refreshing to realize that some of the lawyers supervising your work and responsible for acting as informal "mentors" can be absolute...IDIOTS.

Of course, as you all know I have no interest in ever being a partner because the only reward for winning this rat race of a "legal career" is getting more pie. A partner at my firm had assigned me the task of drafting a short discovery motion. Here is a snippet of the conversation:

"Hey, I reviewed the draft of that motion. You know something, I hope you're not offended but I spotted some major errors in the motion."

"Oh? Can you please detail them for me so I can re-work the draft..?"

"Well for starters, you didn't use semi colons after some of the party names (WTF? you're wasting my time yakking about punctuation?? silly partner!)...and you keep referring to co-defendant's law firm as Andrews Kurth, when it should be Andrews AND Kurth (and plucks a letter sent out a month ago from the file which addresses the firm as such). Plus you need to fix the margins and spacing, its exactly 1" margin!.

"Oh ok...But, uhm..the firm IS called Andrews Kurth. "

"No. Its Andrews AND Kurth. I have referred to them that way throughout all this litigation so you must learn to be consistent!! Formatting and consistency is very important in these motions! You have that clear?"

"Uhh sure, so you want me to change the entire motion to reflect the firms name as being Andrews AND Kurth? I know that isnt the right name..

"Thats right! Get me another draft by end of today! Good night!"

Reason # 5 Why Practicing Law Sucks:

You Have Idiots Telling You Idiotic Things

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Opposing Counsel

Apparently I must be doing a good job at my toilet firm because the partner swaggers into my office, plops down in front of my crumbly, falling-apart desk thats been here since 1826, and says:

"Batman! I have great news!"

"Yes, Mr Partner, what abuse will you dole out on me now?"

"I'm giving you the __ case! I just drafted our last discovery request and need you to pick this file from here and run with it. So prepare a summary judgment motion to get us out on the damages issue!"

"Uhh sure..great. Whats this case about?"

"Well, its rather serious!! plaintiff had his ______ chopped off when he fell from a ladder at work. We have some serious heavy hitting firms on this case!"

"oh? like whom?"

"We got Wilson Elser, along with DLA Piper, Smith & Laquercia, and Sullivan Papain in the picture, just to name a few!"

"so what now?"

"Well we are going to try the case unless we get out on summary judgment, which is where YOU come in!! . Its not like we haven't won against Sullivan Papain before! and DLA must be getting in on the business, I'm surprised they are representing ____, then WEMED of course they have their hands in every little dirty case because the partners there do nothing but fight with each other for referrals"

"Oh?? What do you mean?"

"Well, I have had associates call me who left for Wilson Elser begging to come back. Unfortunately, we had already filled the job (winks at me), but seriously, you don't want to work at that firm. Its just a miserable place, the partnership structure there is something else!"

"Ohh I seee..well good thing I don't right?"

"Right on my man! So get started on this motion and leave a draft on my desk! I am going to see my grandkids in FL this weekend! It should be a nice Labor Day! Call me if you have any trouble with the motion."


So guess there goes my Labor Day.

Reason # 4 why practicing law sucks:

Your Hours are Not Your Own.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Another Fun Court Appearance

Today I was in court for another toilet slip and fall case. So I was waiting in court, and reading the list of firm names on the calendar sheet pinned outside the court room. I am 90% sure the majority of cases being handled by most of the firms listed were toilet personal injury/construction accident claims. You can tell right away if its a toilet PI case simply by the caption...


Joe Smith v. Pathmark Stores, or

Jane and John Doe v. Turner Construction, Turner Contracting, Turner Bulding Management Company.

or the ones that can get thorny:

John Doe, Jane Doe, John Doe's Step Cousin, Jane Does Sister in Law, Jane Doe's Sister in Law twice Removed, John Doe's Parent's, Jane Doe's Parents and the Doe Village v. NYC Transit Authority, NY and NJ Port Authority, NYC MTA and ABC Mangement Co.

Cases like these are my favorite because nothing really gets done until 3 to 5 years after the action was first filed! There will always be one defendant who didn't do jack shit, never put in an Answer, or never responded to everyone's requests for discovery.

As it so happens, the toilet case I'm on is in the middle of depositions...So what happened went something like this

"So my client won't be available for depositions until mid September because he's going away to...blah blah blah"

"Well I need to get his testimony now before we move on to so and so's deposition scheduled in late September. Let's do it next week"

No I can't man! I just told you why! No can do!

"What the #$%? You want me to give you another @#$3 adjournment here? We've been playing phone tag with your firm for months now over your client! If you don't produce him, we are going to seek a court order!"

"Fine, go ahead!"



Okay, so many it didn't go exactly like that but the general feelings were there.

This is reason # 3 why practicing law sucks:

You go to court and fight with other lawyers over stupid shit like deposition dates.